While the common reflex is to groan at the thought of summer being over, I feel an array of emotions. Truth is, I always have an overflowing amount of emotions that surface the days leading up to our first day back at work. While I feel the common sorrow and dread of my freedom about to end, I also feel the anticipated joy and excitement of a whole new year with all new kiddos. Even as I enter into my ninth year at my school and tenth year overall in the classroom, the same thoughts and feelings bubble up as summer ends and a new school year begins.

When times are difficult,

When I feel overwhelmed,

When my house is unkempt,

When I am sleep deprived,

When I feel pulled in every direction,

When anxiety starts to overtake me,

I remember…

I prayed for this.

This time last year, I was in the throes of my first trimester with hyperemesis. I spent a week in the hospital and was bedridden from the end of August, to the beginning of November, all with debilitating nausea and vomiting. I was on disability from work, couldn’t care for our son or household, rarely left the bed, stared holes into my ceiling, and saw the seasons change through my bedroom window. I was angry at God for allowing me to go through another sick pregnancy, one even worse than the first. I knew a baby was being formed in my womb but instead of joy I only felt misery. At least I had the hope of the joy that would overtake me once that little one was born. Exactly one year after my hospital stay, we got to celebrate and dedicate our bundle of joy to the Lord. I knew it would be worth it all, but God is the one that is worthy of it all.

The word “postpartum” is defined as the period after childbirth, also known as the “fourth trimester.” Mothers often experience immense biological, emotional, financial, and social changes during this time. Most also experience the “baby blues” the first couple of weeks, crying for no reason, becoming irritable, restless, and anxious. But many new mamas experience more severe postpartum emotions long past the baby blues. These feelings can be classified as Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum Psychosis, Postpartum Pressures, or Paripartum Depression. Although these postpartum issues are more understood today than in the past, there is still a lot of shame associated with having one of these problems. I know first hand the shame and guilt that harbors inside, but I am determined to share my experience in hopes of both helping myself and helping someone else who may feel the same.

My second and last pregnancy journey is almost to an end. To say I am ready is an understatement. Not only I am ready to meet this baby girl but I am ready to be done with HG. There’s a bit of guilt and sorrow when looking at my past two pregnancies. I know there are women who would give anything to be able get pregnant and carry life in their wombs, so I definitely do not take my pregnancies for granted. But unfortunately, my ability to carry life also causes me to face life and death myself. Thankfully, my sweet babies were not effected by my sickness and grew big, beautiful, and healthy the entire pregnancies. (Lord willing, this baby girl is delivered strong and healthy.) But I was left with nothing but constant debilitating nausea, severe vomiting, upset stomach, extreme fatigue, depression, and feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. I wish I could look back at my pregnancies and feel joy, but at least I can feel grateful for the blessings of healthy babies and God’s provision throughout these hard months. Just as I felt that it was worth it all when I saw our son’s face, I know full well it will be worth it all again once we see our baby girl.

The year 2021 was a rollercoaster ride full of high highs, low lows, twists, turns, jerks, jolts, and miles of loops. I feel I’ve lived years of life in those 365 days. There were days of celebration and joy, days of grief and sorrow, days of sickness and fear, days of gratitude and thanksgiving, and days of anxiety and depression. Some days were brighter than the brightest morning and other days were darker than the darkest night. My physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health have experienced whiplash from the bumps, speed, and spontaneous forceful turns of this year. At the start of 2021, we had hopeful expectations after the disaster of a year that 2020 made for us. Honestly, we thought there was no where to go but up from that rock bottom. While things definitely got much better in some areas of life, things also got much worse in other areas. To truly get a good feel of the whiplash from 2021’s rollercoaster ride, it’s best to just start at the beginning and work our way through the end of the year’s ride.

Fun Fact: Women with HG have an extreme sensitivity to smell. It's not just food and cooking smells; it can also be perfumes, cleaning supplies, detergent, shampoos, soaps, or just about anything. This sensitivity to smells can worsen the nausea and vomiting. (So really a “Not So Fun Fact”)

While I’ve got your attention, let’s take a minute to learn the 411 on all things HG. Because HG is rare, not many people have heard of it or even know they have it (aka me in my first pregnancy). Since suffering through HG even worse during my second pregnancy, I’ve done a lot of research and have learned so much that I wish I had known years ago. Plus many of our family and friends have started asking more questions, so I thought I’d try to lay it out as simply as possible.

Behold the Bullet Points Below!

When I told my first graders that I would be absent in order to go to a funeral, most of them started eagerly asking, “What’s a funeral?!” or “Who died?!” in their innocent childlike way. But then one little girl raised her hand and sweetly asked, “Who are you celebrating?” And she could not have asked a better question. I needed to be reminded that we were going to celebrate life, and that is just what my family did.

There’s nothing like the beauty of the beach to put things in perspective. I’ve always loved the beach. I love the sound of the waves crashing and the tide coming in, the smell of the ocean breeze, and the feeling of the sand in between my toes. I grew up getting to visit the beach every summer, sometimes staying weeks at a time. We would spend all day on the beach, laying on chairs in the sand or surfing and jumping the waves. And although it didn’t happen often, I also loved waking up to watch the sunrise over the water. I’ve always felt that there is nothing more peaceful and restorative than the beach. It has always been a place for me to experience God’s presence in new ways. It has been a place of rest, a place where I can breathe easy and put any worries or anxieties away.

This past year has been a whirlwind for our family. This time last year we were stuck at home with most of the world, trying to juggle work, school, church, and parenthood all from the comfort, or uncomfort, of our home. Not only did the pandemic change our normal, but several other factors in our personal lives made for a very hard year. My husband graduated law school but the weight of the bar exam hung over him like a dark cloud, so thus began the long days and months of studying. Teaching first grade in a pandemic this past school year was no easy feat. My dad began his first year as a university president in the midst of a pandemic. We had family members battle cancer, put into hospice, and pass away. Not to mention we all had COVID at some point. That is just the short list of this last year in review. I could honestly write a book for each separate struggle we endured this year. It has been one of the most challenging seasons in my life. But because of the Lord’s grace, strength, and provision, we have made it through to brighter days. In other words, Hakuna Matata.

We are all ready for 2020 to be over, but what exactly are we expecting 2021 to look like? Before I can look ahead, I need to take a look at where I’m coming from. Let’s just take a step back and recap the glorious year of 2020.

It’s hard to believe that my husband and I began dating this time 10 years ago. I know it’s cliche, but where has the time gone? We were just teenagers in college, hanging out at Waffle House after a Fall event. Now here we are, ten years later and honestly living the life I had always dreamed of having one day: married with a baby and three pets in a house that we love, as well as teaching my favorite grade level while my husband works in worship at our church. Are things perfect? Absolutely not. This world is a fallen world and nothing is perfect.

It all started on a bright and happy Sunday afternoon. I was having a particularly great day with our toddler and was feeling good about getting back into a rhythm of teaching and mommying. Little did I know what lied ahead in the coming days. My husband walked in after working at church all day and said he thought he had COVID because he was so fatigued and felt feverish. We took his temperature but he didn’t have a fever at the time. I was determined for him to be fine, so I told him that it was probably nothing and went on about our day. But boy oh boy, was I wrong.

We have had wonderful first days of school and things have honestly been running very smoothly! Every teacher has been working overtime, but it has all been worth it so far. I cannot wait to share all about our pandemic schooling, but honestly I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything and am just taking it day by day. All I know is that I am happy to be back in school and in-person with my sweet kiddos! However, while I am beyond thrilled to be back in the classroom again, I also miss my son. Mom guilt is real and it is strong right now.

I was not prepared for all of the “big boy” stuff that my baby needed when I found out that he was moving up to a toddler class this school year! He might be the biggest in his class, but he is also the youngest and I’m not sure how I feel about him looking so old! But I do know that he couldn’t be more ready to go back to school!

To the teacher starting a new school year in the midst of a pandemic, I want you to know that you are seen. Whether you are a veteran teacher or a first year teacher, this year will be unlike any other and none of us are prepared for the unknowns. The planning and preparations for a new school year are always chaotic and overwhelming, but there is usually so much joy and excitement in the air as we get ready to welcome new smiling faces. This year is a bit different.

This post would probably be better if it were considered a ‘Laundry Tips’ post. But unfortunately, it’s quite the contrary. If you’re looking for tips, then just take my way of doing laundry and do the exact opposite! If you struggle with getting laundry done, then you’ve got a friend in me. If you are meticulously organized in your laundry process, then you have full permission to judge our taboo ways. I just wanted to share our honest way of tackling our never-ending laundry in hopes of either encouraging you or giving you a good laugh!

Cat lover or cat hater? One of my favorite questions is when people ask why I have a cat or why I would want another one! One study found that 60% of people are dog lovers with only 11% cat lovers and the rest loving both or neither. I am one that loves both. Actually, I love anything furry and cute. If I could own a zoo or be like Tiger King, I totally would…

Ever wonder what it must be like to view the world through a child’s eyes? Such an odd question considering we were all once children, but research shows that children see so much that we miss. Author Alison Gopnik states that “in some ways, young children are actually smarter, more imaginative, more caring, and even more conscious than adults are.” (A Philosophical Baby) A professor of psychology once explained why kids and adults differ, stating that while adults focus their attention, children see everything. “They are always taking in information, even if it is not what you're trying to teach them.” (ScienceDaily.com)

Any avid hikers out there? If so, I apologize in advance for the hiking ignorance of this post. My family and I have no idea what hiking entails and yet we decided to take one while vacationing in the mountains. The hike we chose to take, however, would be mocked at by true hikers. In fact, we chose the trail marked “easy” and yet we still encountered some trouble along the way. From the kids obsessing over insects to one of them getting bit by a snake, this adventure will be one that my city folk family never forgets.